OCD – Responsibility – 3

Do you know what else sucks about OCD?

The sense of responsibility. If anything bad happens, it’s my fault, I’ve caused it.

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Of course, I don’t get to take the credit for good things, don’t be ridiculous. They have nothing to do with me.

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If a friend gets attacked? My fault. I didn’t tell them that piece of self defence advice I heard.

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Someone gets ill? My fault. I must have wished it on them.  Despite never having wished anything bad on anyone ever.

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Someone loses their job? Yep. My fault.

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Massive natural disaster in a far off country? Of course it’s my fault! Have you not heard of the Butterfly Effect?!

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OCD makes me believe that my thoughts and actions can have massive negative implications.

Do they? I really want to type “no, they don’t”, but the OCD won’t let me.

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I live my life in fear. Constantly trying to evaluate the consequences of my thoughts, actions and words.  Trying to look out for potential dangers and avoid them. I have to share that safety/medical/etc advice with you, because if I don’t then I will have caused you or someone else to suffer.

Today something happened that’s a perfect example of this. On Sunday I went to the place where we’re storing our business things. I noticed that there wasn’t a First Aid kit anywhere and The Captain said he didn’t have one. When we got home I ordered one for him to take. It was delivered today. Tonight we went down to the storage place but I didn’t pick up the First Kit (can you see where I’m heading…?). Yeah. The Captain sliced his finger open. I was SO pissed off with myself. I knew that I should have taken it with us. It’s my fault he sliced his finger because if I’d remembered it the accident wouldn’t have happened.  His finger’s ok, it’s not like he chopped it off but that doesn’t stop me blaming myself or my OCD being triggered -_-

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So when people say they’re a “a bit OCD” I only wish that’s all OCD is.

Please visit my page of help, support, information and people to talk to here x

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2 thoughts on “OCD – Responsibility – 3

  1. Pingback: Me and OCD – 1 | Hankie's Brain

  2. Pingback: OCD – Compulsions – 5 | Hankie's Brain

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